Because Nobody Likes to Be Broken
by BeautyforAshes7
Summary: There was too much at stake. She wouldn't allow him to destroy them. Because if he completed the file's mission; he would never be able to live with himself.
1. Chapter 1

Kate's hands trembled as she looked at the file that Rita had thrust into her hands.

"This can't be right,"

"I'm afraid it is," Rita offered a deep sigh; "You have to get out until this is resolved."

"But if this file is true…why hasn't it happened yet? I mean, he's never tried anything," Kate's eyes scanned the file, trying to make sense of this thing that was on the verge of destroying her happy ending.

"There's a trigger word, a time and a place. You aren't safe." Rita started walking away, "I'm sorry, Kate, I'll let you know if we find anything new. But until then, you have to create distance."

"I will figure this out," Kate said, a note of determination finding its way through her vocal chords, "I won't let this be the end of us."

"I have no doubt," Rita agreed, her hand on the stoplight button, "Take care of yourself, Kate."

Kate nodded and grabbed the file. Her mind tried to develop different possible scenarios but could only come up with one. She started walking to the loft, bracing herself to destroy the most important thing in her life.

…

"I'm sorry," Kate's eyes met Castle's, but not for too long. She couldn't face him, not really, not when she knew that she was breaking his heart.

"Kate, why are you doing this? Why are you walking away from our marriage?" Castle touched her shoulder; she leaned in for only a second before creating space. She could do this, but not if she felt him. His touch always brought about her weakness. Her body began betraying her even in that moment. She backed up.

"I'm trying to save our marriage, Rick. You have to trust me." Kate's eyes filled, her heart breaking with every breath. All she wanted to do was grab her husband, walk him into the bedroom, and spend the evening forgetting that this day ever happened.

But she couldn't. There was too much at stake. She wouldn't allow him to destroy them. Because if he completed the file's mission; he would never be able to live with himself.

"I trust you Kate, I will always trust you. Whatever this is, we have to do this together." Castle's face was filled with such longing, his shoulders drooping as he appeared to realize that he didn't have a say in the matter.

"We can't do this together this time, Castle. This time, I have to do this alone. I know it's not fair to ask, but please wait for me. Please take me back when I figure this out. I promise; I will let you in as soon as I can. But right now, you have to let me go."

Kate leaned forward, lightly pecking Castle's cheek with her lips as she gathered her feet to take her out of the loft. As difficult as this was, she had to get out of her home without looking back. If she turned and saw her broken husband behind her, she wasn't sure that she could finish this.

…

Kate counted her steps as she walked into the elevator, pushed the button and rode down. She wouldn't let herself think, because if she thought about what she had done, even for a second, she would turn around and run back to her husband. She had to take care of this. As the elevator made its way to the lobby, Kate carried her feet out of the contraption and to the front door of the building. She had to get outside as quick as possible, in case Castle decided to come after her.

As soon as she was outside, she took a seat at the nearest bench. Upon finding a spot out of the view of the building, Kate pulled the file from her purse. She needed to remind herself why she had just left the most important person in her life. The man whose heart was breaking right now was her responsibility, and she didn't plan on leaving him in the dark for any longer than necessary.

Kate stared at the file, maybe there was a trigger word or something? That way, she could at least let Castle in on the secret. He would understand the need for her to walk away as soon as he saw the words on the page that was clearly made by his kidnappers last year. The words stared back at her, seemingly growing in size, as if they were a monster bent on destroying everything that she held dear.

 **Kidnapped Subject:**

 **Richard Alexander Rogers Castle**

 **Purpose of Kidnapping: Assassination Training**

 **Intended Target: Katherine Houghton Beckett**


	2. Chapter 2

The words blurred together as Kate's rubbed her eyelids. She had been staring at this screen for hours. Four days had passed since she walked out of the loft, leaving behind the only man that had ever mattered. A look at her watch indicated midnight. The precinct was a dead zone. Only a few cops who worked the night shift could be heard milling around. This had been her routine for almost a week. Once her Captain duties were done for the day, Kate immediately started her investigation and spent all night combing through files and databases to find more information about Castle's kidnapping. She eyed her couch, thinking that a nap might be a good idea. She hadn't slept since she started this research, using coffee to get her through the days. But even that was worthless. Without Castle, the dark substance that once conveyed love, only reminded her of the chasm she had brought to her marriage. So she wouldn't sleep. Her eyes wouldn't close until she was lying next to the man she loved, the soft mattress of their bed beneath her while his warm body surrounded her. Until then, she would be here.

"Yo, Beckett," Kate blinked as Esposito opened the door; his voice brought her back into focus. Right after she walked out of the loft that day, she had called Esposito to meet her at a diner downtown. At that point, she told him everything. She knew she needed help and he had some of the knowledge that might allow her get closer to the case. Kate smiled as she thought about what a great friend Esposito was to both of them. She didn't think he had slept since she told him either, spending every evening at the precinct investigating. If he wasn't at the precinct, he was trying to find out if any of his friends from his days in Special Forces knew anything about the abduction. Since they had a name of the project this time, at least leads seemed to be coming faster than they did during Castle's initial disappearance.

"I think I found the file with the word to activate his assassin training," Esposito brought the stack over to Kate, "Unfortunately, it appears to be blacked out as well. I think I could maybe deduce what it says by the words around it. But I wanted to let you know about the lead."

Kate breathed a sigh of relief. This might actually be over soon and then she could get home to her husband. "Thank you, Esposito. What are the chances that you can figure out what it says?"

"Pretty good, Beckett," Esposito assured her, his voice softening in a way that showed he understood what was at stake, "I'll do my best to find it tonight. I'm pretty sure that the tech lab has equipment that can help me find this."

With that she watched him walk out of the office, hope surrounding her for the first time in 96 hours.

…

Three hours later, a knock at her office door lifted her spirits as she waited to hear what Esposito had found. Instead, the door opened and a worn out looking man walked in…a different demeanor from the hopeful husband who had given her a cupcake less than a week before.

"Castle," Beckett said; her fear of his secret overshadowed by her relief of being in the same room with him again.

"Beckett, I couldn't stay away any longer." Castle's moved toward her, his hand settling over her shoulder. "I gave you space for four days, but now we have to talk. I know that you are chasing a case. Nothing else makes sense. Just, let me help you. Let me be your partner."

"You can't…not this time." Beckett shook her head, a tear falling from her face as she leaned into his hand. "Castle, you have to trust me to do this on my own."

"Beckett, I love you. I need you." She felt Castle's hand pulling her up from her chair and wrapping his arm around her waist, surprised that she felt her holster on her hip. Had she forgotten to remove her gun at the end of the evening? She must be losing it. She would put her gun in her drawer once Castle left. His voice penetrated her ear, "I need to feel you."

Kate felt Castle's lips descending upon her own, as she was powerless to stop it. If she was completely honest with herself, she didn't want to stop it. Four days and they hadn't found anything. It wouldn't hurt to have a time out with her husband. She wasn't in danger at this moment and she needed him as much as he needed her. She moved her hands through Castle's hair and pulled him closer, her tongue scraping the top of his mouth. This felt good and right and everything in between. Castle moved her to the nearest wall and she briefly thought about locking her office door. Esposito didn't need to be privy to what they were doing in here. But she was too far gone to do anything about it now. This man was all she needed and wanted. "I'm so sorry, Castle. Please know that I've never stopped wanting you."

Castle pulled back, his face twisting into a look of dismay and hurt. Kate's heart broke all over again when she saw his shoulders slump. But she wouldn't let him stay in this place for long. She pulled his head back to her and moved her lips over his mouth. She wanted him more than she wanted anything. Just as she was reaching for the buttons of his shirt, she heard the door of her office open. Her eyes widened when she heard Esposito say,

"Beckett, the activation word is žena!"

She didn't have a chance to stop it. In a manner of seconds, she found herself staring down the barrel of her own gun…Castle's blank expression meeting hers as his fingers pulled the trigger.


	3. Chapter 3

Kate threw her body to the floor, a split second decision the difference between maintaining her life's breath and crumpling on the ground at the mercy of her husband. Her heart pounded as she knew the only way out of this was to pretend to be dead, help pull Castle out of whatever trance he was in by letting him believe he had accomplished his mission.

She had seen the look of shock in Esposito's face almost before he had even finished his sentence. She was banking on him coming through for her. Thankfully, it seemed as if Esposito's training with the Special Forces paid off this time. Before Castle could get another shot in, Esposito had thrown him to the ground and placed cuffs around his wrists.

"What…what are you doing?" Castle sputtered, his mind sounding with confusion as if waking from a dream.

Kate opened her eyes, observing the look of dismay moving over her husband's face.

"Kate! Ohmygosh, Kate! What happened? Espo, what are you doing?" Castle yelled, his voice breaking with each word that fell out of his surprised mouth.

"Bro, come with me. We'll explain in a minute," Esposito said, his hands firmly pulling Castle out of Kate's office.

Kate met Castle's gaze, her throat tightening as she yearned to help him make sense of all of this. She had to make sure he was secure first. Who knows if he had fully pulled out of his spell or if was a ticking time bomb, ready to lay hands on the nearest weapon and drain the life from her body?

"I'll talk to you in a minute, Castle." Her eyebrows knitted together as she gave him a look of apology. There was no way to make this situation better. A feeling of doom washed over her as she realized that she was going to fundamentally change Castle's life with the news. How did one ever recover from trying to kill their spouse? Her husband would break himself in two before he would intentionally hurt anyone that he loved.

She watched Esposito walk Castle out of her office and pulled herself off the floor. She breathed for a few moments and gathered herself, trying to stop the shaking of her hands. She was about to do something for the second time in a week that she never thought she would ever have to do.

She was going to break Castle's heart.

…

Castle observed the holding cell, its dark shadows mirroring the blank spaces in Castle's head. It was as if he had been in a trance in Kate's office, only awakened to the sight of his wife falling to the ground and his fingers wrapped around a cold piece of metal. Before he knew it, Esposito was pushing him to the ground and cuffs were being placed around his wrists.

When Kate's eyes opened, his breath of relief quickly twisted into self-loathing as he met her gaze. She reminded him of a gazelle, trapped in a corner as the lion moved closer to devouring her whole. He couldn't for the life of him figure out what he did to deserve that response. But he was willing to wait it out in the holding cell until he got answers.

His ears perked up as he heard the creaking of the door open. The unmistakable sound of high-heeled boots moved across the floor. His head lifted the moment that Kate was in front of his cell. Castle's breath caught when he saw her face. While his wife once looked at him with love and longing that was designed for him alone, her eyes now filled with such a piercing fear that it brought him to his knees.

"Kate," Castle breathed, "What happened?"

"Castle," Kate's voice cracked, tears filling her eyes. "You tried to kill me."

Castle took a step back. It couldn't be true could it? He had been waiting here, hoping that she would bring him any information to make sense of what happened. At no point did he actually believe that what seemed to take place in her office; actually did.

"Why?" He tried to keep the wailing out of his voice; Castle didn't know the level of brokenness that one man could experience before it destroyed him.

"Castle, when you were kidnapped, they trained you as assassin. They gave you a special task. It turned out that you were actually only programmed to kill one person," Kate glanced down before seeming to gather her courage. "You were trained to kill me."

His breath caught in his throat. This was worse than anything he could have imagined. What kind of heartless people would program him to kill his own wife? Suddenly, everything over the last few days began to tumble together in a story that made sense.

"That's why you left," he sucked in air, "You had to protect yourself…from me."

Kate shook her head, "Castle, I left so that I could find the people who did this to you and figure out how to undo it. I had to keep distance so that you wouldn't do something that you would regret for the rest of your life."

"A few more seconds, Kate. If you hadn't been so quick to duck away from the bullet, or if Esposito hadn't been there…" Castle stopped in mid-sentence.

"If Esposito hadn't been there, it wouldn't have happened in the first place. He accidentally triggered you." Kate whispered.

"Why did he trigger me?" Castle asked, confused.

"He figured out the trigger word and didn't know you were in my office," Kate said. "It was a mistake."

Castle nodded, "So, what now? This can't happen again."

Kate reached through the bars, her fingers beckoning for Castle's to join hers. He immediately walked forward, trying to finagle away to hold her hand despite the awkwardness of the cuffs.

"I have to keep digging," Kate's hands tightened over his. "I need to find out who did this to you and how to deprogram it…so that we can have our happily ever after."

"I need to stay here until you figure it out," Castle insisted, "That is the only way to assure that you will be safe."

Kate shook her head, "Castle, we know the trigger word now. You can help me solve this. We can figure it out…together."

Castle firmly kept his ground. "Kate, what if they find out if you are digging? What if I get a phone call and am triggered all over again? I would die if I lost you. But if I was the one who pulled the trigger, no psychiatric hospital on that planet would be able to undo the damage."

Kate's shoulders slumped, seemingly giving up on trying convincing him otherwise. "I'll work fast, and bring my evidence down here so that we can go through it. That way, you can help me…but there won't be any danger."

"Hey boss?" Castle and Kate startled as Esposito's voice came from the corner.

"What?" Kate answered.

"I think I found something big…can I discuss this with you upstairs?" Esposito eyed Castle pointedly.

"It's ok, Espo…he knows everything." Kate said. "Go ahead."

"Bro, are you sure you want to hear this? It's not going to be pretty." Esposito exchanged glances with Castle as he nodded accordingly.

"The man who kidnapped you was your father."


	4. Chapter 4

Kate sat outside of Castle's jail cell, coming up on 48 hours of working together. She kept telling him that she could let him out of his handcuffs, take him to her office so that he could feel more dignified. At this point, she wasn't worried about anyone around here using the trigger word.

Castle shook his head, "We talked about this, Kate. I'm not safe around you."

Her chest tightened with urgency as she continued to work on the computer, trying to find files to figure out where Castle's father was and why he would kidnap him.

"What if we can't find him?" Kate gave words to the fear that gripped her. She had been trying to be strong for Castle, but was getting nowhere. She needed her husband back and could not imagine one more day of him being trapped in this cell.

"Are Ryan and Esposito investigating up in the Hamptons?" Castle asked Kate, trying to assure her that they were at least making progress.

Kate nodded, "They got a new lead of someone who said they witnessed the kidnapping. But it could be nothing."

She looked down as her phone made a buzzing sound. Her hand shook as she saw the caller…maybe they had something?

"Ryan?" Kate said, trying to distinguish his voice among all of the background noise. They must be near a construction site.

"We have something. A hotel owner witnessed the kidnapping, said that the man who kidnapped Castle stayed in a hotel out here the night before."

Kate tried not to get frustrated, "How does that help us, Ryan? We talked to the hotel owner when Castle was kidnapped last time."

"The alias that was used at the hotel last time, is being used by a guest who is staying there right now," Ryan breathed.

Kate all but shouted as she jumped to her feet, "Stay out there, Ryan. We will be out there as soon as we can make it." Her fingers hit the end button on the phone. She looked at Castle. "I think your dad's in the Hamptons right now, we have to find him."

Castle smiled at Kate, "You have to go without me, honey. It's not safe."

"No, Castle," Kate needed him with her to complete the mission. What if Castle's father was the only one who knew how to deprogram him? "You have to come; we might need you to talk to him."

Castle gave Kate a hesitant stare. "Ok, but I want to keep the handcuffs on. That way, even if I get triggered, you will still be safe."

Kate unlocked the prison door, her fingers moving towards Castle's shoulder. She couldn't wait to bring him home and have all of this behind her, "Deal."

They began to walk down the hall of the precinct when her phone rang again, "Ryan, I told you. We will be at the Hamptons as soon as possible, just don't do anything…"

"Kate Beckett," a smooth, dark voice came on the line, "This is your father-in-law."

Kate stopped in her tracks, beckoning at Castle to listen in on the conversation.

"What do you want, Jackson?" Kate asked, using the only name that she knew the man by.

"I have your boys, here. If you want to keep them safe, you will bring my son to me immediately." The man said on the other end of the phone.

"We are heading there now, Jackson. But what do you want from us?" Kate exchanged glances with Castle, sharing a note of concern.

"I want exactly what I wanted from the other Beckett woman that crossed my path 16 years ago. I want you to leave me and my colleagues alone." Jackson threatened and then the phone clicked off.

She looked into Castle's eyes, "Does that mean what I think it means?"

She noted that Castle attempted to keep the brokenness from invading his words, "Kate, did my father have a hand in killing your mother?"


End file.
